@DracoTarot got a couple of references that your comment made me remember 😋

The first paragraph made me think of this:

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And your second account made me remember yet another episode of David Mitchell's Soapbox:


The spider looks quite beautiful. In my parent's garden, we have these spiders:

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They are called garden spiders. They make beautiful nets and can bite, but only when provoked, usually they are quite peaceful towards humans. And they can't run as fast as yours can. Are wall crab spiders really that fast?